Line up!
by LastExit
Summary: Snape is displeased with his Potions class' test results and decides to motivate them using unethical means. Not for the kids, this is slash, and oneshot. Don't read this when your mom's looking over your shoulder ha ha!


Authors Note: First off, I think it's important to understand I wrote this in a different sort of mind than my other fics. I, in no way, think this is possible of Snape's character to do this- but I'll be damned if I don't make him try. (Ha ha). I just had to slip him a large (very large) dose of pure crystal meth.

Snape glared at the classroom, disgust etched on his features shamelessly. They were all giving him that nervous, heart-in-their-throat look, even the Slytherins. He walked away from the front of the blackboard which had shown in tight, scrawling words:

_All_ of you failed last weeks test.

Even Draco Malfoy paled as he read it and continued to stare, as if expecting a sentence of comfort to spawn from the dark surface exempting him from the word "All" written by his frustrated teacher. Snape hadn't said a word, not even a hand held up to halt their noisy talking as class began to start. He had only walked up to the front, turned away from them, and scratched away at the board as if stabbing it.

The only student who looked more confused and upset than Draco was Hermione, who was on the verge of tears. She kept flipping through her textbook, and Harry figured she was reviewing the test entirely from memory. Ron didn't look so upset, just pleased that the Slytherins were, for once, subject to Snape's wrath.

" Never in my career have I laid witness to a class that was unable to earn a passable grade. " Snape scowled. Hermione's shaky hand caused the book to close, piercing the tense atmosphere. "This is not even close to an OWL level test!" he said slamming his palm on his desk hard. Harry couldn't help but jump in his seat, along with a few other classmates.

Snape loomed over them, and Harry thought that if he ever wondered what it would be like having his parents ripping him a new asshole for something stupid he did, this is close to what it'd feel like. (Except replace loving parents with Snape, and himself as an orchestra of terrified people.)

"Would you like me to tell you the highest grade in the class, or would you like me to hold up on my fingers how many questions total the lot of you got right?" Snape sneered softly. Hermione stifled a squeak of horror and Seamus let out an unsure laugh. Snape let his frown linger a little while longer before retreating to his desk. He pinched the bridge of his nose and mumbled something to himself before settling down in his chair. "Alright. I know how to fix this." he announced. "Other than getting more intelligent and dedicated students..."

Neville trembled as Snape's gaze fell on him accusingly.

"All of the ladies, you are dismissed." Snape announced. No one objected to his odd request, not even Hermione who looked like she was screaming with her eyes an explanation of her horrible test results. A few chairs were empty as the female's half ran out of the room, eager to escape what was perceived as their doom. "All of you, line up in front of my desk. Now!" Snape shouted to the speechless Gryffindors and Slytherins.

Ron caught Harry's worried glance and shrugged half-heartedly.

"What the hell is he doing?" Ron asked Harry, stepping as far back in line as he could.

"I don't know, but it's probably not good. He's going to try and embarrass me." Harry replied in a low whisper.

"I hope he doesn't hit us." Neville said stepping in back of Harry.

"Calm down, he's not going to beat us one-by-one." Harry reassured, thinking that was a good suggestion to what was going to happen.

Somehow, Draco had made it to the front of the line, and was looking anxiously behind him, as if pleading someone to jump out and volunteer to take his place.

"Once I am finished with you, return to your desk." Snape sneered. "Shut up in the back! POTTER! Ten points from Gryffindor!"

"I wasn't talking." Harry mumbled back, even though he had only been whispering.

Although it was difficult for Harry to see over the tall crowd lined up in front of him, Ron was more accessible in that area, thus whispering everything to the mostly Gryffindor back end of the line what was happening.

"Snape grabbed Malfoy and dragged him closer- he looks worried, Malfoy- Snape's- what the hell- I think he's going to spank him- Oh my God!" Ron gasped.

"What?" Harry asked annoyed as the front of the line burst out in astonishment along with Ron.

"Jesus, Snape's sucking him off-" Ron said, his ears turning as bright red as the Chinese flag.

"What!?" Harry injected, this time more loudly. A few people stumbled out of line and turned towards each other in amazement.

Malfoy, who looked just as surprised as Ron, stood rooted to the spot, looking down at his professor who was giving him a very generous public performance. Blaise, who was next in line, suddenly realised what he was next in line _for_, and took a step backward.

"What- what's happening?" Neville said standing on his toes. Clearly he had not pieced together what was going on. "Did he hit him?" No one felt obliged to answer him, not even Harry.

Malfoy had closed his eyes and was rubbing his hands together, wither to shut the crowd out or his professor, Harry didn't know. Only it was slowly dawning on the group that they were being offered judgement-free and dateless oral sex. Although every one of them looked horrified, Harry noted that most of the stragglers that wandered previously were now back in line. Ron had stopped talking and had shoved his hands in his pockets. Seamus was looking around at everyone self-conciously, waiting for a rebuke that never came.

"Go back to your seat." Snape said to Draco after taking a sip of water. Harry saw Draco's flushed face as he took his seat, and figured there was a certain humiliation to being the first one in line.

Blaise stepped up, and the line started to break in conversation. Some of the classmates were laughing and shrugging, deeming Snape really insane or really fucking desperate. Neville finally seemed to understand what was happening, and his face was bright pink. Ron didn't turn around to see Harry anymore, only forward once someone was sent back to their place in line, his still red ears shining from the back of his red hair.

"Um, Harry, maybe you should step out of line." Seamus said turning to him. "I mean...Snape doesn't really like you..."

"Snape doesn't like Dean Thomas, but there he is." Harry replied pointing to Dean in his seat, not sure why he was so defensive.

Seamus shrugged and turned back to his spot.

"Hey!" Ron shouted. Draco had bumped into him before taking his place in the back of the line. "You can't go twice!"

"I can go as many times as I want." Draco hissed taking his place in front of Neville. "Snape likes me- that's why I was first."

"You didn't even want to be first!" Ron replied.

"He still picked me!"

Ron looked like he was going to say something, but apparently Seamus was finished, because he was dizzily making his way to his seat. Ron hesitated, as if seeing Snape there reminded him that it wasn't Hermione or Fleur that was going to suck him off, but the evil git he insulted daily.

"Come on Weasley." Snape sneered crossing his arms impatiently. "Unless you want to skip the process and just play grab-ass with Potter in the Quidditch locker rooms."

Ron's face went red before stepping towards Snape determinedly and loosening his belt. Harry watched as Snape smirked at Ron's red pubic hair, before closing his eyes and taking his penis in his mouth. Ron bit his lip and closed his eyes, and Harry couldn't help but feel the swell in his groin as the sounds of slurping mixed with the background conversations.

"Getting excited Potty?" Draco sneered. Harry realised he was loosening his own belt and quickly put his hands to his side. "Don't even think about it; Snape will curse your dick off before you have time to whip it out. That is, if you have anything there in the first place."

"Shut up Malfoy." Harry sneered, wondering if Snape was desperate enough to suck off the entire class just to have an excuse to curse his penis off. "You're just angry Snape wasn't impressed with you the first time. That's why you're back in line."

"Whatever." Draco scowled. "Hey Longbottom, try not to shake so much, or he'll bite down on you by mistake."

Neville looked horrified, and Harry almost told him to just sit down if he was so damn nervous, but he heard Ron zipper up his pants and found that Snape was waiting for him to step forward.

"Unless you're shockingly well endowed, and I doubt it, you'll have to step closer Potter." Snape spat. Harry swallowed nervously before walking towards his tormenter.

He tried to block out how immensely unprivate the situation was as Ron was curiously watching along his session. Snape slapped Harry's hands away sharply from his belt and was unfastening it himself. He undid the zipper and pulled his school pants down so that dick was straining against his briefs. With almost a bored expression, he pulled out his penis and gripped the shaft tightly.

"Ow," Harry protested. "I only get one of them you know."

Snape raised an eyebrow before wrapping his warm, wet mouth around Harry's cock. Harry found it difficult to compare the sensations of Snape's tongue to anything in his previous life. What was more surprising is that Snape wasn't doing a bad job, or even biting down like Malfoy had warned. Within a couple of minutes Harry felt the build-up of his orgasm and experienced what everyone in line with him had earlier that day.

Snape wiped his mouth on a cloth and pushed Harry to the side before he could tuck his penis back in his pants. He almost overbalanced as he tried to put his pants back on.

"Mr. Malfoy," Snape said with a smirk. " welcome back."

"Please sir?" Draco said with a charming smile.

"I suppose." Snape sighed grabbing his belt with a spidery hand and dragging him closer.

Neville was rubbing his arms, observing Draco for any mannerisms that could be passed on. He shifted from foot to foot until Draco's moan of pleasure filled the room. Snape, Harry observed, allowed Draco ample time to cover up before waving him away.

"But of course." Snape drawled shooting Neville a glare that made him go to pieces. "Longbottom."

Neville's face went pink once more as Snape sighed and pulled on his belt, like so many Gryffindors before him. Neville looked around the room as Snape pulled down his pants and briefs.

"Figures," Snape mumbled looking at the huge member, "you always have to be_ difficult_."

Neville made the mistake of putting his hand on Snape's shoulder, which was swatted away harshly in an instant. Still, Neville had finished without having his penis bitten off, and the entire class watched Snape wash his mouth out.

"We're going to take the test again." Snape said icily, standing before them as if the last 45 minutes had not happened. "Whoever gets the highest grade will line up in front of my desk next week."

"Sir?" Draco said raising his hand. Snape nodded. "Sir, what if Granger gets the highest grade?"

"Then you don't get to line up, do you?" Snape replied.

The next week the Gryffindor common room was full of potions books, and even Hermione was shocked to see Ron's new found love for brewing. Harry was ashamed to be part of his classmates mania, as masturbating felt some-what second rank now that he knew the sensations of oral sex.

Most of the time _Draco_ got the highest grade, but occasionally there would be no denying the credit to a Gryffindor.

All of the Gryffindor boys aced their potions OWL that year.

Authors Note: Okay, I realise this story was a _tad_ bit ridiculous, and I swear I wasn't high when I got the idea for this. I was asleep. Yes. True to life, without so much literacy, I had a dream about this whole thing. Except Draco cut in line like, a million times, and somehow Lucius was there, getting some too.

This is by far the strangest fan fiction I've written, so I _definitely_ want reviews. Even if they're flames, because I find this whole situation damn funny. I demand funny reviews!


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